Black and White and Everything Else
by MissBrittana
Summary: Arizona and Callie's fight allows Arizona to open up and acknowledge her PTSD. Written because most of the fandom thinks everything with Arizona is just black and white. Heavily includes Callie and Alex
1. Chapter 1

"You weren't on the freaking plane! You want it, the street cred? The badge of honour? The warrior wounds? Then great! Stick out your leg and I will go grab a bone saw and let's even the score!" Those words have been pressing in her brain for months now but as soon as they're out she regrets it. Her face falls as she realizes how much she's hurt Callie, her wife, her beautiful Calliope, but even if she could take back those words she's already done the unthinkable.

"Ohh no." She sobs into her hands because what's done is done. She's let down the walls she built so sturdy and of all people she let them down for Callie.

"It always comes back to the leg." Callie cries, squeezing her eyes closed.

"I trusted you, more than anything. More than anyone in my life. And you decided to cut it off-", Her voice raises because now she's started she might as well continue. It can hardly get any worse than it already is.

"TO SAVE YOUR LIFE!" Calliope screams, and she's been saying that for months but now Arizona understands it from Callie's view.

"You didn't lose anything! I did. I DID!" She screams back because maybe she does need this after all, maybe it's what she needs to move on. Maybe fait never wanted her and Callie to live happily ever after.

"Apparently, I lost you." Callie says in a rushed tone, like they're the words she's been fighting to hold on. The ones that saying out loud make true. They stand their staring at each other for minutes, wandering how this could happen and what would come next. Eventually Callie clears her throat and walks past Arizona, slamming the door on her way out.

When Arizona is sure that Callie is no longer there she collapses onto the floor in tears. She doesn't care that her prosthetic has come loose and is rubbing uncomfortably on the stump where her knee used to be. She likes the pain because the pain helps cover the hurt.

The blonde stays where she is for hours but the concept of time is gone for her. So many emotions are pulsing through her body, regret, relief, anger, despair. They all tumble together until all she feels in numb.

"Arizona?" Her tired eyes look towards the door where she sees the one and only Alex Karev watching her awkwardly. "Want to tell me what's going on?" He says, and Arizona knows that at least half the hospital will know what she's done by now.

"I screwed up again. My whole life is one big screw up." She states as Karev sits on the couch where her head has just been resting, there is a big wet patch from all the tears she's released.

"You definitely screwed up. I don't know what you were thinking and I was ready to come in here and yell at you until you could give me a legitimate reason as to why you would cheat, Lauren isn't even that hot, but then I realised I really don't know what you're thinking." Arizona frowns as Karev's speech takes an unexpected turn, "Seriously Arizona. You and Meredith and Cristina and Derek all went through so much but Derek got his hand fixed, Meredith got a baby, and even though Cristina went MIA she managed to keep moving forward. We were all there for you but none of us were there in the way you needed. Things are probably about to get really sucky for you and I just wanted to say I'm sorry." He explains.

"I – uh." Arizona tries to find words but she is too overwhelmed by the relief flushing through her body. Somebody understands!

"Come here." Karev gives a sympathetic smile and pulls Arizona from the floor into his arms. Her prosthetic clatters loudly to the ground but neither of them give it a second glance.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Karev doesn't know if the apology is aimed at himself or Callie but he knows it's a sign that they can still retrieve the old Arizona.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank you for all the follows and the two reviews! Last chapter was pretty deep so you might find this one a little boring but I'm building it up for later I swear! Please keep the reviews coming so I know what you all think!**

Arizona is following Callie down the hallway in their apartment when the brunette stops suddenly outside their bedroom, the door is unusually closed and Callie takes a deep breath before opening it.

"Erhh I can't keep doing this alone, Arizona. I just can't." Her wife appears to be speaking to someone inside the room, but she's the only Arizona they know and she's standing in the hall. The blonde goes to ask what's wrong when Callie's figure stiffens, "Get up!" The Latina demands suddenly, "Get the Hell out of bed and snap out of this! If not for me then for Sofia because she lost her dad last night and I lost my best friend and I'll be damned if I lose you too." Arizona frowns, there's something so familiar about this scene but she can't quite place it.

"Snap out of this? Snap out of **this**?"Arizona peeks around Callie just in time to see herself throw back the duvet covering her legs or leg, "How the hell am I supposed to snap out of this when you cut off my leg?" The blonde feels sick as she hears her own voice scream back at Calliope.

Arizona's eyes snap open and she squints in confusion, her neck is stiff and she's got a pounding headache. She glances around the room and quickly realizes she's in a hospital bed… a small hospital bed. She's still in her scrubs but someone has removed her coat and hung it on the back of the door. She tries to think back to the dream she was having but she can only remember bits and pieces. There's a small tap at the door before it opens slightly.

"Dr Wilson." Arizona mumbles the greeting, rubbing her aching head. The young intern opens the door further and steps inside before closing it tight again.

"Alex is stuck in surgery. He asked if I would check up on you." The brunette speaks in an awkward tone.

"I thought he might've been the one that put me to bed. Maybe next time he could put me in an adult bed because even with a missing leg these paeds beds are freakin' tiny!" Arizona jokes sourly as she stretches her neck.

"Oh… yeah." Jo gives an uncomfortable laugh.

"You don't have to stay here any longer if you're uncomfortable. I know I'm not the best company right now. I'll still tell Alex you did what he asked and he should let you in on some good surgeries, although he probably does that for you anyway." The blonde states plainly and Jo's face cheeks turn pink.

"I, um, I'm not uncomfortable I just don't really know what to say. Unfortunately he's told me that our relationships won't get me any more surgeries than his other interns. I mean that's not why I'm dating him but it would've been a great bonus!" The intern explains.

"No one knows what to say around me anymore." Arizona sighs, "Alex is a great guy, he's like a little brother to me. I'd give you the 'treat him right' talk but I don't think I'm allowed that privilege anymore." She sighs again.

"It's alright, you don't need to give me the talk and if I do hurt him and if I do you can take me off surgeries for a month or something." Jo smiles back.

"You don't think you'll hurt him. Just like I thought I'd never hurt Callie. She should've been the one sleeping with the hot blonde doctor in the supplies room, not me." Arizona shakes her head, "Sorry. You're not my councillor." She apologizes.

"It's alright I won't tell anyone anything." Jo says quickly.

"Who cares? I bet everyone already knows! I'm surprised Cristina has come to here to beat my ass already." Arizona admits, glancing to the door as if the intimidating doctor would burst in.

"That's why Alex put you in a paeds bed. He's hoping Cristina's fear of kids will keep her from searching here." Jo smiles.

"I'm glad he did that, I mean at least I got a full night's sleep, but I'm probably already late for my shift and I can't just stop working when I'm the guilty one. You can go tend to patients now, I'm gonna get dressed." Arizona turns into her boss mode once she realizes she's been sleeping through her morning shift.

"Thanks. Alex will probably come and find you when he's done with the surgery." Jo says as she heads back out to the paeds corridor. When the door is closed Arizona lets out a long sigh and sinks down into the little bed. She knows it's going to be a long day and that dream she had is going to be replaying through her mind all day.


End file.
